"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?"
An atheist was spending a quit day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by a three-headed monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow them both. As the men sailed head over hells, he cried out, "Oh my God! Help me!" At once the ferocious attack scene froze in one place, and as the atheist hung in mid air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in three-headed monsters either!"
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill.
The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace".
God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peace."